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V.I.P.

Developer: Ubisoft Shanghai | Publisher: Ubisoft
Players: 1 Player Game | Release Date: 04/01/01 | Genre: Action

The illustrious Pamela Anderson finally stars in her own video game based on the television series V.I.P. The show has garnered quite a following with its explosive action sequences, high-octane car chases, and--oh who are we kidding? V.I.P. rules because we can see Pamela and her cute little friends run around in tight-fitting outfits while they pretend to be chasing some bad guys.

While the game isn't the bouncing breastfest that you would expect, it's still not very good. First of all, the "unique" gameplay has you pushing the buttons on your controller as they appear on the screen. This rhythmic pushing of buttons is fun at first, but quickly becomes a tiresome chore. There's not one point in the game where you actually have control over your character. There are shooting parts in the game, but you just move the cross-hairs around the screen aiming at bad guys. This would seem easy enough, but then again, V.I.P.'s hit detection is totally whacked. You can keep your sight in the exact same spot on the screen and when the enemy jumps into view you will sometimes hit him, and sometimes not. It's totally bogus. The game shows where a bullet hits with a blue flash on the screen. However, there are times when the flash appears dead center on an enemy torso, yet for some reason the game decides not to count that shot. Whatever...

The problems don't stop there though, after playing for several hours it became apparent that the game freezes up at random spots approximately once every hour. You don't know when it will happen, but it's always a nice surprise when it does! Once the game froze up when my controller was in mid-rumble. This caused it to vibrate indefinitely, and it put stupid ideas into my brain. No, I didn't put it down my pants; I opted to bite down on it instead. The screen quickly became distorted and I had a strange tickling sensation in my head; it was the most exciting moment I had while playing! The game can be beaten in just over an hour, so you may on occasion make it through without a hiccup. However, if you don't play it through more than once, you can't unlock all the extras.

Just for good measure, the developers decided to throw the crappiest soundtrack ever conceived into the mix. The music in this game makes fingernails on a chalkboard sound like Beethoven. There are only three tracks or so, and every single one of them sucks the big one. Add to that a plot that somehow manages to be worse than an actual episode and you have one heck of a mess on your hands.

Overall, V.I.P.'s only redeeming factor is that you can use your points to buy pictures of the real-life Pam in her underwear. Thank heaven for that too; the CG characters bear an inexplicable facial resemblance to donkeys, you don't want to see them in lingerie. For proof of this, please check out the CG screens to your right. Bottom line, don't waste your money renting this game. If you want to play it, then just buy the darn thing, it's only ten bucks!

By Ryan Schaefer - 08/01/00
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Screenshots for V.I.P.

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